“Fertility Whisperer” visit #2

So I had my second visit to the fertility specialist this morning.

Man, I should have gone to medical school. No other profession has the gall to make someone wait over an hour past their expected appointment time and basically expect you to be okay with it. Okay, maybe DMV employees, but that’s pretty much it. I guess it’s because I was one of maybe two non-uncomfortably pregnant people who had appointments, so I wasn’t top priority.

The visit itself was short. After waiting an additional twenty minutes in the exam room in my underwear, I finally saw the doc. My new specialist kind of treated me like a dumb ass, asking for clarification on a lot of what I told her, but she seems to know what she’s doing. I’m guessing she’s not known for her bedside manner, ha! When she brought up the number of miscarriages (4), she asked me how I knew each one was an “actual miscarriage” and not just a super late period.

What.The.Heck.

After my mumbling, rambling explanation about my various losses, she agreed “something is off”. *thumbs up* Thanks lady, I don’t need a medical degree to know that. She gave me the option of starting Clomid today, or waiting until my next period to start that fun process and just getting blood work done to test for various mutations and stuff that might be hampering my baby carrying ability. My brain was tired from waiting for her, so I said I would try one more month of trying to get pregnant on our own and just do the blood work. She sent me off to do blood work, 18 large vials worth, and gave me a lab slip for the Husband to get his blood tested sometime this weekend. I’m supposed to call for an appointment on the first day of my next period to get started on Clomid and to talk about the results of the blood work. I don’t know, I am still unsure about Clomid, mostly because getting pregnant has never been the issue, but rather my body not wanting to stay pregnant for some reason past the first trimester, but who knows, maybe it’ll be a good thing. I should be getting the results from the various labs by Monday, so hopefully I’ll know more before I see her again in a few weeks.

Next up…

“Girls you’ve gotta know when it’s time to turn the page.” Tori Amos, From the Choirgirl Hotel

Thank you so much to everyone for your support and love. We are all in this stupid club together right? Those of you who are now pregnant after dealing with soo much, you ladies honestly give me so much hope that I’ll get there. Maybe not next month, or the month after, but eventually, so thank you. ❤

Now, after the events of Sunday, I don't even know what to do next. Here's what I know:

I know I'm amazing at getting pregnant, I'm just shit at sustaining past the first trimester. I have no PCOS, no endometriosis, no uterine septums or fibroids. My lady parts are in full working order as far as they can tell. I'm drinking raspberry leaf and pregnancy tea every day and my hair, skin and nails are looking fabulous because of the mountain of supplements and probiotics and baby aspirin. Acupuncture is helping to keep me relatively balanced despite yet another early pregnancy failure. I'm almost down to my goal weight because of CrossFit, which should keep the chance of getting gestational diabetes down when I do get to carry a baby to term.

So what does this mean?

I have no idea what to do next.

Oh, and super fun bonus fact, I just heard that the doc, the so-called “fertility whisperer” that I went to go see in October up and left the practice in December. Yeah, he’s poof, gone without a trace. *grumble volcano* What ticks me off is that he told me to come back in three to six months, knowing full well he was jumping ship soon. Grrrr. Oh well, I booked a follow up appointment with one of his remaining colleagues for the 15th of April, mostly to discuss my options and my lack of septum.

What do I do next? Should I just try try try again next cycle and risk yet another disappointment a few months from now? Or should I ask my ob/gyn about fertility drugs? I've heard good and bad things about Clomid and I wonder if my doc would even think it's a good idea. Is it time to think about other tests? What other tests should I even look for? Yes, I do realize I could just Google "fertility testing", but with such a wealth of misinformation and malarkey out there, I thought I could ask the ttc brigade. 😉

And the (HSG) results are in!

Hello ladies!

I just got back last night from spending the past few days with my nieces in Disneyland. Husband is currently at a co-ed baby shower for my neighbor who is expecting twin girls in mid-April. Love that guy, to the next galaxy and beyond, seriously. I almost made it this afternoon to the event, but having just spent two days in Disneyland, surrounded by strollers, pregnant women and thousands of kiddos, I just couldn’t do it. I’m so thankful my neighbors are so awesome and understanding about why I couldn’t bring myself to go today. Disneyland was super fun, but also a constant reminder about what I don’t have yet. Still, it was a lot of fun, and I loved seeing the look of wonder, excitement and joy on my nieces’ faces whenever they met a character, rode a ride or saw a parade. I can’t wait for the day when my own kids can share that experience with their cousins.

While on the trip, I got word from my ob/gyn that the results from the HSG showed everything was good and no endometrial blockages, cysts, polyps or anything were seen in any part of my baby making equipment.

*thumbs up*

This includes no septum.

Huh?! What now?! I know, weird. Awesome news, but weird. I swear I saw one, but I guess I can’t read those fuzzy photos as well as I thought I could. Of course, the pain from the procedure might have clouded my vision just a little bit, no lie. So yes, that means no surgery and that I can just get the ball rolling on getting pregnant the old fashioned way after taking a break the last few months. Still, it’s kind of weird to me that one fertility specialist saw a septum on the ultrasound and the other, upon way, way closer (and even more invasive) examination, did not. I am thankful that there’s no physical evidence of the variety of physical syndromes that can be major roadblocks to motherhood. I admit that I am concerned about the fact that I have miscarried so many times and I don’t have any explanation as to why it has happened so frequently. I thought for the past several months that this uterine septum idea might be the answer to most everything, but now it’s on to something else. What I know is that I am still taking the baby aspirin for hypercoagulation and all the crazy herbs and supplements from my acupuncturist until further notice.

Ugh, my uterus is totally confusing and has seriously entered X-Files and Twilight Zone status.

HSGs and Hot Docs

Hi ladies!

Well this morning I went in for my HSG. My dad was nice enough to drive me to the appointment, and I ended up being about a half an hour early. They took me in way ahead of my scheduled time and I was actually dressed and back in the reception area by nine am, the time my appointment was originally slated to start. I think it helped that the radiology assistant and the doctor who did the HSG were both super kind and very helpful. The radiology assistant actually held my hand and reminded me to breathe, which helped a lot, especially during parts of the scan where I was disoriented and could only see the camera monitor. And ladies, my doctor was actually pretty hot, like he walked off the set of “ER” or “Grey’s Anatomy”. I guess I’m a total sucker for guys with hazel eyes, hipster glasses and a great smile…yup, I totally have a type!

The procedure itself was pretty simple, though the cramping and “discomfort” they warn you about during certain points of the process is totally no joke. When he inserted the speculum, I totally had to mentally go to my happy place and pretty much had to stay there for about ten minutes. There was one point where the cramping got so bad that my eyes started watering, but I was able to power through it. The doctor actually commented that this went quicker and more smoothly than what he usually sees, and I do have to thank my high pain tolerance for that (thanks mom!). I would say that the worst part was trying to position myself on the weird pseudo-stirrup platform thing. I was able to see the camera for a bit of it, and I definitely was able to see the septa, but not much else. Hopefully they don’t discover anything else, but there’s no point in freaking out for the next five days until they can tell me the results.

HSGs and Fortune Cookies

Hello ladies! Not a whole lot is really new.
I stopped working Mondays for a while starting today.

I let the Husband know I was going to do this a few months ago, mostly because I was feeling overwhelmed and also because it seems to be easier to get appointments for baby-making related things on Mondays. I’ll be filling in on a Monday or a Friday here and there, otherwise I’m only working four days a week until the end of April. I’m super thankful to my husband for being okay with this, because I was starting to go a bit nutty with trying to balance work, appointments and self-care stuff like acupuncture and CrossFit.

The date for the HSG has finally been set. This took way longer than it should have to get booked. Why? Because apparently my ob/gyn’s nurse dropped the ball a few weeks ago and didn’t put in the order at the radiology dept.
Dude, seriously, right?! #rage #whaaat #overreaction #NO

So with the instructions to call for an appointment the second my period started actually post-it noted on my fridge, I called on the 29th of January, only to hear from a very confused (and kinda bitchy) radiology receptionist that I didn’t have anything ordered. I immediately called my ob/gyn’s office, and found out what had happened. Sheesh, thanks. I got delayed till today to make an appointment basically because the nurse forgot to hit ‘send’ on the order screen. The heck. Long story shorter, I got the appointment made today finally for this upcoming Friday at 9 am. I’m nervous about it, not of the actual procedure, but of the possible results. While I’ve been told for the past year or so is that basically there’s nothing wrong with my lady parts except for maybe a slight septum, I’m concerned they’re going to poke around in there and discover something is actually super wrong. Bleh. There’s seriously nothing I can do, and obviously freaking out about what may or may not show up on the scan is not going to help.

To end on a fun little note, I got this fortune in my cookie when I went to go celebrate Lunar New Year (in case I forgot to mention, I’m half-Chinese) with my family. I got downright giddy when I read it, as did the Husband.

I hope so, little fortune cookie, I hope so!

Hysterosalpingogram…aka “You want to put dye, WHERE?”

So my ob/gyn, the one I saw shortly after the events of my last post, is a wonderful woman and I’m so glad I have her as part of my team. I had not been in to see her since July, a month after my surgery, and I’d left it with her that I would come back in once my self-imposed “baby making break” was over. Ok, so I let my appointment go a bit past September when the hiatus was lifted, but that was because we were still paying off my last round of surgery and tests and I wanted to wait until I was covered by our new, slightly better insurance plan.

I told her about going to the fertility specialist and that he mentioned that I have a slight uterine septum that might be getting in the way of a successful pregnancy. She totally agreed with that possibility since I am otherwise very healthy, young and alarmingly good at getting pregnant.

So what’s next? A hysterosalpingogram, which is basically injecting dye into the uterus and Fallopian tubes so the radiologist can take a bunch of x-ray photos. It doesn’t sound fun, but apparently it has to be done so that my ob/gyn can tell how much of a nuisance the septum really is. The part I’m least looking forward to is the “significant cramping” I’m going to feel when the radiologist pinches the cervix with an instrument and injects the dye. Ouchie. I am hoping that I’ll be able to schedule an appointment on my non-work days, but I have a feeling Friday slots are going to be rare.

I have to wait until the first day of my next period to call and make an appointment, so yay, more waiting since that won’t happen till at least the end of the month. Then five days after I get it done, I’ll get the results AND THEN I can set up my appointment to finally get my stupid septum bisected and cleared out. Ugh, so much waaaaaaaiting. But hey, I’ll finally get some answers, right?